5 movies Hollywood should NEVER remake
It’s no surprise that Hollywood has been struggling for movie idea’s for decades now. Neglecting the foundation of a good story; the writer. Yet, actors that can barley speak english or open a door are given an exorbitant amount of money, to simply appear on-screen. For what? So you can see someone who looks good and takes direction on-screen in barely there clothing? Watch porn instead.
People watch movies to enjoy an experience. To see a perception through different eyes. To relate to a character that makes you feel like yes, there are others out there like me. Or just to watch a movie unlike anything else out there, think “Life Aquatic”, “Rushmore” or “Igby goes down”. If you haven’t at least heard of these movies I beg you to seek them out and open your eyes to a world outside of boobs and explosions. Don’t get me wrong, I love boobs and explosions just as much as the next guy but there comes a point where mindless numbing entertainment actually makes YOU dumber for watching it.
Growing up, we establish fond memories with some of the movies we’ve seen in our childhood. These memories hold a special place in our hearts from a first date movie to having a movie night at home with the family. Yet, Hollywood insists on raping my memories of these movies by remaking them into some deformed looking clone that should have been left in the oven and then shoved down the disposal.
Recently, they have released movies such as “Nightmare on Elm Street”, “Halloween”, “Transformers”, “King Kong”, “Death at a funeral”, “G.I. Joe” and are currently working on “Short Circuit”. You would think after a few of these remakes flop at the theatres, they would get the hint? I guess you need a soul to realize something isn’t working. although G.I. Joe and Transformers were initially t.v. shows, they have managed to ruin their reputation beyond what I could have imagined. Looking back, a lot of these were cheesey as hell, but so was “Saved by the Bell” and you loved it, don’t lie.
Of all the movies Hollywood gets their grubby little paws on, there at least 5 that stick out in my mind that should NEVER be remade. Why? The simple fact is because these movies came out at a time when it was appropriate. They had actors who defined the movie and established its place as movie legends.
1) Back to the future
Let's gun it to 88!
Marty : Wait a minute, Doc. Ah… Are you telling me that you built a time machine… out of a DeLorean?
Biff : Since you’re new here, I-I’m gonna cut you a break… today. So, why don’t you make like a tree and get outta here?
Oh and
Marty: Are you trying to tell me that my mother has got the hots for me?
Doc Brown: Precisely!
Marty: Whoa, this is heavy.
Doc Brown: There’s that word again: “heavy.” Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with Earth’s gravitational pull?
There is no way you can ever replicate any scene from this movie without pissing me off. Every actor, every scene was perfectly executed. This movie is a classic and if Zac Effron finds his way to making a “Back to the Future 4”, my boot will find its way to his ass and anyone else involved
2)Ghostbusters
Don't cross the streams!
Dr. Egon Spengler: There’s something very important I forgot to tell you.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Don’t cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Why?
Dr. Egon Spengler: It would be bad.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I’m fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, “bad”?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
Dr Ray Stantz: Total protonic reversal.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Right. That’s bad. Okay. All right. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon
All I’m going to say is, Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd, Sigourney Weaver, Harold Ramis , Ernie Hudson and god damn Rick Moranis. I know they are making a 3rd Ghostbusters but don’t ever revisit the first one. This movie inspired me to unroll as much toilet paper and paper towel rolls to make my own Proton Pack. The second movie was horrible, even the cast agreed but this is a classic. Who doesn’t know who “Slimer” is?
3) Top Gun
I feel the need.... the need for speed
Iceman :”you two really are cowboys”
Maverick :”what’s your problem Kazanski?”
Iceman: “you’re everyone’s problem That’s because every time you go up in the air, you’re unsafe. I don’t like you because you’re dangerous.
Maverick: “that’s right! Ice…man, I am dangerous.
Then Goose dies. A great movie but there’s something else that makes this movie awesome. The soundtrack, “Danger zone” performed by Kenny Logens. Now Tom Cruise is one crazy mofo now, but back in the day his confidence and arrogance made Maverick who he is today.
4) The Breakfast Club
We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all
John Bender: You know what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner fuckin’ year at the old Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said “Hey. Smoke up Johnny.”
Andrew: I taped Larry Lester’s buns together.
Brian Johnson: That was you?
Andrew: Yeah, you know him?
Brian Johnson: Yeah, I know him.
Andrew: Well, then you know how hairy he is. And when they pulled the tape off, most of his hair came off and some – some skin, too.
Claire Standish: Oh my God
Every generation has their own coming of age story which they can relate to. Now, I was too young to understand this movie when I was younger. After watching this recently, this movie encompasses all the trials and tribulations you go through when you’re in high school, with the appropriate amount of stereotyping.
If they were to remake it, who the hell would they cast to play Molly Ringwald, Emilio Estevez , Judd Nelson and Anthony Michael Hall? No one, there is no talent left to play characters that were this true. Maybe Shia LeBouf but he’s made his mark in the piss stain that is “Transformers” the movie.
5) Big
Yes, I'm a man- child
Bank Teller: How would you like that?
Josh: [after he and Billy discuss it] Three dimes, a hundred-dollar bill and 87 ones
Tom Hanks has this amazing ability to pull you into the character. During the late 80’s, toys were booming there was creativity running through companies on how to make the next “big” toy( pun intended). Now, it’s all Japanese toys and video games and Facebook. You can not remake this movie simply because the younger crowd simply won’t get it. Again, no other actor has the talent to invoke the innocence that Hanks did with his character including race-car beds, old school Pizza-Hut and Pepsi products. Let’s not forget, the sleazy 80’s business guy. They were the worst of them all!
I’m not saying that if done right these movies wouldn’t strike a nostalgic cord with the people who grew up watching it. But these movies simply won’t work now. Everything is in 3D or animated. filmmaker’s have lost the passion that makes a movie something you talk about and remember. Maybe it has always been like this and I never realized it until now. Simply said, you can take Optimus Prime out of Cybertron, but you can’t take Cybertron out of Optimus Prime.
~Stay classy
Mr. Timeburglar 
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